The Unbearable Lightness of Not Being

I’ve been suffering from light-headedness this morning: vision swimming, dizzy spells, a feeling of general weakness. And this had me concerned, since I’ve reached the age at which rust bubbles the paint. But then I found a review at amazon.com which explained all:

Editing this review with an update. I do have questions about the author. He claims to be ex-military and a former member of “the gun culture” but does not appear to be using a real identity. If he’s using a nom de plume, it calls everything he says about himself into doubt. Reading over the scanty evidence of his real-life existence, notably his twitter account, it’s hard to imagine him as having a background that is anything like he states it is.

So that’s the problem: I’m feeling light-headed because, like Marty McFly, I don’t exist.

Phew! For a moment, I thought it might be something serious, but it’s just a run-of-the-mill existential crisis. I’m fading out of the photograph.

Presumably, all other evidence of my existence will soon vanish, also: five-year-old posts on this blog, my 2010 novel, and snippets of things written for magazines over a decade ago that still crop up here and there on the Internet. People who have seen me at various public appearances will find their memories wiped clean. And the credit card people, I think, will be very annoyed indeed.

This is why it’s never a good thing to read your Amazon reviews.